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October 5, 2005

Thanks for bringing me all this crap

No matter what tone of voice I used, using "crap" in any sentence didn't sound good.

It's use immediately made me feel terrible. Where does this negativity come from? Why can't I be nice? How can someone as sensitive as I am be so insensitive to others?

I say it unintentionally. I said the first thing that came to my mind when in fact, what was on my mind was something else. I wanted to be apologetic this morning, to be nice and to be appreciative.

I wasn't refereeing to crap. In fact I was talking about something beautiful. I used the word to describe something beautiful to my parents! people who care, to people who would take it personally and make their heart sink a bit to hear it.

I'm afraid it made my earlier apologies less sincere.
A few weeks ago my mother-in-law asked me if I had picked out a china pattern. A perfectly sensible question to someone who just got married. The question nonetheless struck me as a bit funny since while I guess I always wanted a china pattern, it never occurred to me to pick one out. I guess you can't take the girl out of Santa Cruz completely.

A few months before, my parents splurged on a complete new service for 8 for me. I couldn't even really believe it. I guess I do have a chine pattern! On their weekend visit, they brought half of it with them and it is truly beautiful. A meal is more complete when all the details are looked after. Presentation matters. What's more, and I didn't notice it until seeing it live, it's the shade of yellow which I love yet feel I cannot wear.

The service made for a very festive holiday table. Despite what I said (in a continuing effort to prove once again what a brat I am, to be discussed further): "Thanks for bringing me all this crap", I am very lucky to have it and very much look forward to getting to use it again.

If I may recover myself and relive those moments again I would much rather say this: thank you very much mom and dad for buying this for me, for knowing what I like, for carrying these heavy piece across the Atlantic, and most importantly for loving me despite my faults.

Posted by talia at October 5, 2005 10:38 AM


Your writing is getting really good.

Posted by: Yaron at October 6, 2005 6:14 AM

so you are married! Does an old friend get any details?

Posted by: gizella at October 6, 2005 6:17 AM

Hi Talia!
Thank you sooo much for the absolutely wonderful parcel!!! (I did write an e-mail immediately, I don't know whether you got that...). You can see my first two write-ups (the third will be the recipe with the noodles) on my blog!

As to the 'crap' -- I can really relate to your story, I think a lot of us have experienced situations when we said something that we did not AT ALL mean the way it came out. I certainly have! Plenty of times... And once you realize what you've done, the horrid feeling lingers, and it festers...It's awful. I hope you're feeling better now.
Your parcel certainly made a whole family happy over here! (I had to freeze some of the cake, otherwise it would have been eaten on the very first day!!!)
Love and cyper-hugs

Posted by: Zabeena at October 8, 2005 10:05 PM