November 29, 2006

yes, it's supposed to be that fast

today, at 28w4d. if sounds can be cute, this one surely is.
Download file

I'm not as far along as I thought I was, for some reason, keeping track of the weeks is proving difficult. Peanut M&Ms are proving dangerous.

Posted by talia at 5:40 PM | Comments (2)

hi

I’m back. for now. and frankly, (mind if I call you that?) I’m not so sure I want to be back. all the fuss about capitalizing my letters, punctuating my sentences, biting my remarks...I’m not sure it's for me right now.

I’m going to figure out how to upload a sound file, so we can listen to the baby's (aka, the construction project in my womb, CPIMW) heartbeat together. 'til then.

Posted by talia at 5:26 PM

April 22, 2006

a collection of things

I would like to...
figure out why the yard in the garden is so swampy.
build a plant box for tomatoes.
move so of those silly unsatisfying hydrangeas so they aren't scattered all over the garden.

dive into a new book.

find the back up power cord for my computer.


Posted by talia at 8:58 AM

February 14, 2006

A coat of oil

I took a bit of time over the weekend to nurish our long dining table with linseed oil and it looks truly magnificant. A deep reddish brown has replaced the ashy hue the wood had before.

I wonder, where else in my life I could spend an hour primping and get such gratifying results?

Posted by talia at 6:58 AM

January 4, 2006

2006

In the spirit of the new year and new beginnings, I updated my long-neglected list today. I have mixed feelings about where I am on this project. I do feel I have accomplished a good amount of things this year, though several of them, for reasons unknown, never were on the list. Part of me however is disappointed with how little I have done from my list, I would have hoped to have done more.

As such, I am renewing the contract with myself. I will make time on a weekly basis to incorporate my list into my agenda (number 84 on the revised list). In taking stock, I have reviewed and revised and filled out the list (since I haven’t entered 100 items yet). I have gotten started on a few of the items, some are about to get launched, some have been completely forgotten. Good to review.

I am determined to improve my energy this year. I need to flood my mind with positivity, desire and will. To that end, I am doing some coaching exercises, so perhaps we are moving in the right direction.

Successes this year include getting married, increased hours consulting, and having made two contacts for Pampoosh Clothier.

Failures this year include not contacting friends more often and allowing several relationships to slip.

Travel
1. Spend at least a month in New York City.
2. Climb Mount Fuji.
3. Go back to Nepal
4. Go shopping in Paris for a week.
5. Explore walking trails in the Netherlands, complete three trails a year.
6. Take a bike ride from Amsterdam to Rotterdam, treat myself to a lovely hotel stay in Rotterdam, cycle back
7. Go to Yellowstone with dad.
8. Visit Korea
9. Hike the Grand Canyon.
10. Try a last minute holiday
11. Rent a car, drive to France along the western coast, to see what there is to see.

Relationship
1. Write one letter a month to a friend and work my way up to one letter a week.
2. Give more gifts.
3. Send photos to Savtot and Saba
4. Send a care package to a long-distance friend.
5. Write thank notes.
6. get closer with five people (I already who they are)
7. Rekindle relationship with three forgotten ones (I know these too)

Skills to learn
1. Take a course on different cuts of meat.
2. Learn one new Dutch every day.
3. Read a novel in Dutch.
4. Find a Dutch conversation tutor for once-weekly meetings.
5. Make bread once a week for a month


Recreation/hobbies/personal growth
1. Bake a cherry pie.
2. Make a doll.
3. Make cake stand.
4. Participate in one Is My Blog Burning, or other food related blog event. Euro Parcel by Post October 2005
5. Participate in one Back-Tack
6. Have afternoon tea at the Amstel Hotel and again at Blakes.
7. Attend one opera. – Tickets for Jan 7, 2006 in NYC
8. Attend one ballet.
9. Take singing lessons
10. Take ballet lessons at least five four three two one times. If after this time I don’t like it, try another form of dance and take five classes
11. Spend days with nothing but my camera
12. Volunteer a few hours of my time to a cause that's important to me.
13. Read 10 books from the Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels list. Re-reading books I read in high school or college doesn’t count. The list can be found here.
14. Re-read some of the books I read in high school and college
15. Pick a week, and spend at least 30 minutes a day on writing for three days of that week.
16. Attend one event a month found in the UitKrant
17. Attend one even at the new Concert Gebouw
18. Pack a picnic lunch to eat in the park.
19. Visit all the museums I haven’t yet in Amsterdam
20. Go bowling.
21. Learn to dive into the deep end of a pool or lake without fear.
22. Go see a football game at Amsterdam Arena.


Organization
1. Organize iPod, and fill it with lots of music – Done, including adding audible.com books
2. Print photos and organize photo book.
3. Find a place for all my things.
4. Complete list of 100 tasks.
5. Back up crucial e-mail/files at least once a month.
6. Put together scrapbooks from my letters and other forget-me-nots
7. Weekly meetings with myself to review and plan week and month ahead. The goal being to not neglect this list.
8. Organize recipes from clipping, computer, cards, to one book.
9. Find a place for all fabrics and miscellaneous junk that's currently piled haphazardly on the floor and other surfaces of my studio.
10. Back up all computer files once every three months. 12/03/2005
11. Merge and systematize our cd collection

Dreams and Aspirations
1. Compile a list of Mundane Journeys in Amsterdam, seek to publish it
2. Learn to sing Midnight Train and perform it.
3. Submit 3 writing samples for Girl at Play Amsterdam edition
4. Buy digital camera of my dreams
5. Build a portable Japanese Tea House, host one tea ceremony
6. Research possibilities of a local Wine and Spirits Competition
7. Take a course at Cordon Bleu

Physical Environment
1. Paint inside of TuinHuisje
2. Paint outside of TuinHuisje
3. Plant a flower patch in TuinHuisje
4. Buy a house. Find a relator and see at least 2 houses a week.
5. Get a dog
6. Have a baby

Career
1. Create a portfolio of a clothing line.
2. Take a pattern making class.
3. have my clothing in five four three two one shops
4. Participate in two collaborative sales, not in a shop.
5. Meet five designers and work together to build a sale/show collaboration
6. Spend one whole day and one hour three days a week in my studio
7. Research and land one consulting job that I don’t already have.
8. Gain expertise in SPSS


Health/Physical Appearance
1. Have a facial once every three months, no that’s not excessive.
2. Practice Yoga at least once weekly, working up to three times daily
3. Have rock hard abs, 60 sits up daily and 30 push ups
4. Take a tennis lesson.
5. Change my hair. 12/20/2005
6. Find a climbing partner and go climbing together one day a week.
7. Stop eating meat for two one week periods in one month
8. Cook more with tofu

Financial
1. Make a financial calculator for Alec
2. Keep up to date account of credit card expenses.
3. Work with A. to set up individual and joint budgets for month-to-month and future expenses.

Posted by talia at 2:11 PM

November 16, 2005

Adventures in Exploration

A friend recently suggested an effective exercise to define goals and the process to achieve them. Simply by moving to different parts of the room, we were able to simulate different situations and thought patterns. It was very exciting to see how a turn of the gaze could have such a big effect.

From where I was originally seated, I was asked to describe how I see my business now. I replied that it’s been a bit stagnant but a recent success has me thinking positively about it, a sense that there is some movement. Then she asked me to get up and to move to a new location, she asked me what I see in front of me and how I can tie it into my business. Since I was on a corded line, I didn’t have many options, but I stood up and moved toward the kitchen. I saw a space I enjoy to be in, there is creativity and organization, there is daily activity, there is something always brewing or simmering. I was then asked (since there were no more new locations I could move to) to describe how the rock star in me would see my business. Building on the momentum from the kitchen, I expressed how I host an open studio, to build a community of designers and to put on shows and sales.

And just like that a destination was built with the roads to get there. Eager to start making tracks, I am busily creating a “kitchen” out of my studio. Admittedly the studio has hit rock bottom. A friend worriedly asked if an animal was living there, another said the room scared him. So, last night I started putting things away. Today I rearranged the furniture. This week I hope to have the whole space neat, clean, and organized so that pots can start simmering there too.

Posted by talia at 1:16 PM

October 5, 2005

Thanks for bringing me all this crap

No matter what tone of voice I used, using "crap" in any sentence didn't sound good.

It's use immediately made me feel terrible. Where does this negativity come from? Why can't I be nice? How can someone as sensitive as I am be so insensitive to others?

I say it unintentionally. I said the first thing that came to my mind when in fact, what was on my mind was something else. I wanted to be apologetic this morning, to be nice and to be appreciative.

I wasn't refereeing to crap. In fact I was talking about something beautiful. I used the word to describe something beautiful to my parents! people who care, to people who would take it personally and make their heart sink a bit to hear it.

I'm afraid it made my earlier apologies less sincere.
___________________________
A few weeks ago my mother-in-law asked me if I had picked out a china pattern. A perfectly sensible question to someone who just got married. The question nonetheless struck me as a bit funny since while I guess I always wanted a china pattern, it never occurred to me to pick one out. I guess you can't take the girl out of Santa Cruz completely.

A few months before, my parents splurged on a complete new service for 8 for me. I couldn't even really believe it. I guess I do have a chine pattern! On their weekend visit, they brought half of it with them and it is truly beautiful. A meal is more complete when all the details are looked after. Presentation matters. What's more, and I didn't notice it until seeing it live, it's the shade of yellow which I love yet feel I cannot wear.

The service made for a very festive holiday table. Despite what I said (in a continuing effort to prove once again what a brat I am, to be discussed further): "Thanks for bringing me all this crap", I am very lucky to have it and very much look forward to getting to use it again.

If I may recover myself and relive those moments again I would much rather say this: thank you very much mom and dad for buying this for me, for knowing what I like, for carrying these heavy piece across the Atlantic, and most importantly for loving me despite my faults.

Posted by talia at 10:38 AM | Comments (3)

September 29, 2005

Shipping and Packing

Lessons learned: best to spend a few extra euros on proper shipping boxes, having them lying around the house so that when it comes to care package time, you can pack it in the calm of your own house.

My Edible Post was mailed out on Wednesday. I hope it arrives soon since I put a cake in it. I specifically chose this particular cake because I’ve found it's actually better the next day or two, plus it has a glaze to keep it moist.

I also packed in there something fruity, unfortunately though in a glass jar. After receiving a few of the things I sent from California broken, I sincerely hope the recipient of my Edible post isn't disappointed to find Dune Thorne Jam and glass bits everywhere.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

Posted by talia at 10:03 AM | Comments (1)

September 1, 2005

Taurus

I love when my horoscope reads as such:

You have the potential to be a great wizard in the coming week. Here's how to fulfill that promise: (1) Renounce grandiose fantasies of transforming lead into gold or frogs into soul mates. (2) Think small, be specific, get extremely pragmatic, and don't make up stories based on inconclusive evidence. (3) Take everything that's dreamy and hard-to-pin-down and bring it down to earth. (4) Don't bitch about the limitations; love them and use them to your advantage. (5) Treat idealism as a distraction unless it can be translated into concrete acts that do some good for actual human beings.

Posted by talia at 12:03 AM | Comments (2)

August 10, 2005

Pink Elephants

So I'm sitting with a friend. I like her quite a bit, though I don’t know her all that well. But let’s face it, there is nothing I should be uncomfortable about. I respect and trust her.

She's been on my mind for the several days before we sit together and I've got some questions, some things not exactly troubling me but that I'm wondering about. Yet, we sit, we shoot the shit. I pretend that all we need to discuss is the dress I am fitting for her. I think she pretends the same.

Frankly, I've let myself down. I could have been the strong person I'm trying to becoming and yet, I took the path more oft traveled. And now I'm kicking myself for having to make a special appointment to discuss what it is I would like to discuss. How irritating.

Terror got the better of me this time.

Posted by talia at 9:31 AM

August 1, 2005

The List

A few months ago I was lamenting about how little I feel I accomplished in the past year. It's ridiculous I know since actually I did quite a lot, especially in the "personal growth" areas of my life. What fell off the map was the "doing the things that make me happy" area of my life. So I’ve decided to create a list of what those things are, with a goal of making 100 of them, and get started. So here, is the not yet completed list since I may as well get started right away.

The Mission: Complete 100 tasks of all shapes and sizes in a period of 1000 days.

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching. Tasks can be one time achievements or on going habit forming activities.

The List:

1. Spend at least a month in New York City.
2. Climb Mount Fuji.
3. Go back to Nepal
4. Write one letter a month to a friend and work my way up to one letter a week.
5. Go shopping in Paris for a week.
6. Take a course on different cuts of meat.
7. Bake a cherry pie.
8. Learn one new Dutch every day.
9. Organize iPod, and fill it with lots of music – Done, including adding audible.com books
10. Read a novel in Dutch.
11. Compile a list of Mundane Journeys in Amsterdam, seek to publish it
12. Learn to sing Midnight Train and perform it.
13. Submit 3 writing samples for Girl at Play Amsterdam edition
14. Print photos and organize photo book.
15. Make a doll.
16. Make cake stand.
17. Find a place for all my things.
18. Buy digital camera of my dreams
19. Find a Dutch conversation tutor for once-weekly meetings.
20. Complete list of 101 tasks.
21. Paint inside of TuinHuisje
22. Paint outside of TuinHuisje
23. Plant a flower patch in TuinHuisje
24. Gain expertise in SPSS
25. Give more gifts.
26. Back up crucial e-mail/files at least once a month.
27. Participate in one Is My Blog Burning, or other food related blog event. Euro Parcel by Post October 2005
28. Participate in one Back-Tack
29. Take a bike ride from Amsterdam to Rotterdam, treat myself to a lovely hotel stay in Rotterdam, cycle back
30. Have a facial once every three months, no that’s not excessive.
31. Create a portfolio of a clothing line.
32. Explore walking trails in the Netherlands, complete three trails a year.
33. Send photos to Savtot and Saba
34. Have afternoon tea at the Amstel Hotel and again at Blakes.
35. Build a portable Japanese Tea House, host one tea ceremony
36. Take singing lessons
37. Attend one opera. – Tickets for Jan 7, 2006 in NYC
38. Attend one ballet.
39. Take ballet lessons at least five four three two one times. If after this time I don’t like it, try another form of dance and take five classes
40. Put together scrapbooks from my letters and other forget-me-nots
41. Go to Yellowstone with dad.
42. Take a tennis lesson.
43. Take a pattern making class.
44. Spend days with nothing but my camera
45. Volunteer a few hours of my time to a cause that's important to me.
46. Hike the Grand Canyon.
47. Try a last minute holiday
48. Read 10 books from the Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels list. Re-reading books I read in high school or college doesn’t count. The list can be found here.
49. Re-read some of the books I read in high school and college
50. Practice Yoga at least once weekly, working up to three times daily
51. Have rock hard abs, 60 sits up daily and 30 push ups
52. Keep up to date account of credit card expenses.
53. Pack a picnic lunch to eat in the park.
54. Send a care package to a long-distance friend.
55. Visit all the museums I haven’t yet in Amsterdam
56. Work with A. to set up individual and joint budgets for month-to-month and future expenses.
57. Go bowling.
58. Rent a car, drive to France along the western coast, to see what there is to see.
59. Research and land one consulting job that I don’t already have.
60. Learn to dive into the deep end of a pool or lake without fear.
61. Go see a football game at Amsterdam Arena.
62. Buy a house. Find a relator and see at least 2 houses a week.
63. Get a dog
64. Have a baby
65. have my clothing in five four three two one shops
66. Participate in two collaborative sales, not in a shop.
67. Meet five designers and work together to build a sale/show collaboration
68. Organize recipes from clipping, computer, cards, to one book.
69. Find a place for all fabrics and miscellaneous junk that's currently piled haphazardly on the floor and other surfaces of my studio.
70. Pick a week, and spend at least 30 minutes a day on writing for three days of that week.
71. Merge and systematize our cd collection
72. Back up all computer files once every three months. 12/03/2005
73. Research possibilities of a local Wine and Spirits Competition
74. Make a financial calculator for Alec
75. Find a climbing partner and go climbing together one day a week.
76. Attend one event a month found in the UitKrant
77. Attend one even at the new ConcertGebouwe
78. Stop eating meat for two one week periods in one month
79. Cook more with tofu
80. Spend one whole day and one hour three days a week in my studio
81. Change my hair. 12/20/2005
82. Visit Korea
83. Make bread once a week for a month
84. Weekly meetings with myself to review and plan week and month ahead. The goal being to not neglect this list.

Posted by talia at 10:13 AM | Comments (1)

May 24, 2005

Dogs

I'm in stopping mode, resting mode, not taking things so seriously mode. Looking at things with new eyes. Seems to be working because I'm not at all upset about not having a place to hang my hat.

Of course I have help. Perhaps because it was so obvious I needed it. I am grateful for not having to ask for it. But I will try to.

I will also try to find new ways to laugh. Like playing dogs, that was fun, even though I'm pretty certain I lost. Actaully, can one really lose at Dogs?

How do I need to be and what do I need to be to keep this going? How am I going to be?

Posted by talia at 5:19 PM

April 24, 2005

Earth making beds under my nails

Sitting on the damp grass running my fingers through the plants taking hold of the ones I want out and hooking them by their roots I feel a bit like a dentist cleaning out plaque. I never thought of dentistry as satisfying work but now I know that it must be.

Sitting on the damp grass digging into the dirt, I feel I think and I am free. Emotions cannot swallow me. Things begin to dissolve making room for new blooms.

A few months ago I thought I needed a physical challenge to kick start my life. Never did I dream working two days on our garden house would give as much as it already has.

Posted by talia at 8:30 PM

April 21, 2005

At Long Last

TuinHuis.jpg

We became land owners. Soon the finest tomatoes will be ours! We bought our second home first.

Posted by talia at 10:42 AM

February 10, 2005

Instructions for Life

I received the following as part of a chain. It is suggested that if this letter is sent to 5 people etc., etc., etc. This is not why I am repeating it here, what is important is the you read it and find meaning for it in your life. If you want to share it, (in keeping with instruction 14), please do so. I cannot know if these are really the words of the Dalai Lama, they are however, encouraging, uplifting, and important reminders.


Subject: Message from the Dalai Lama

Instructions for Life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Posted by talia at 12:39 PM

January 27, 2005

Lists

I am, or I was a list maker. I noticed I stopped listing a few months ago though I'm not sure why. I think perhaps because my 2004 Agenda was uninspiring, it wasn't something I wanted to flip back though, so list that were made never were checked off, crossed out, or updated. The 2005 Agenda is fabulous. It has the dates printed on the pages and everything (novel idea, I know!). So, I'm back to making lists. This first list I made was a list of protocols for list, it wasn't intentional (which is against protocol) it just happened that way:

List important things
Make sense
Look for the point
List words, ideas, dreams, thoughts, places
Define the central problem or idea
Look for the point
Be positive
Act with intention
The more words the better
Sum up thoughts
Fit things together
Do analysis
Come up with possibilities
Think how to continue
Think and read things over
Do not miss the point
Share
Cause positive reactions

Posted by talia at 1:40 PM

January 11, 2005

Head of the Table

Last week was a veritable PuPu platter of emotions, PuPu being the operative word. When I dine on such an emotional feast, and never do I do so by choice, my rational self disappears. I am overwhelmed by blues, feeling depressed, lonely, and without ability to achieve desires and dreams. Unfortunately, if you try to reason with me during this ride, I will not be responsive.

As I enter the 2005, I want to be able to see that my life is rich with colors, filled with loved and dear ones, that my goals and desires are interesting and achievable. That right now, this very minute, without any thought of the future, I am loved. I am wanted. I am needed. I love. I am smart. I am funny. I am powerful. I can see that I have so many things to be grateful for! What gets in the way of Appreciation? What will make me feel happy even as I sit at the head of Emotion’s table? I want to find happiness in the now, trust in my ability to succeed, comfort and reliance in an abundance of friends. Happiness comes from a balance of the joy of the process and the end result. I want to celebrate all I have now and to embrace what the future has in store. Surely that can’t be so hard to remember.

Perhaps this is reason I will not be able to see when I am again seated at that table. I have to remind myself everyday to do 40 push-ups. Maybe one day it will become habit. I will, for 2005, think of three things each day for which I am grateful. I am grateful that I have already done 20 push-ups today and have only 20 more to go. I am grateful that I awake each morning to the sound of geese. I am grateful for warm feet.

Dishes typically included in a PuPu Platter:

sweet & sour pork or chicken
shrimp with lobster sauce
pork fried rice
chiken chow mein
seafood exotic fantasy
hunan chicken
mo go guy pan
vegetarian delight
cashew shrimp
pineable glazed pork ribs
sticky honey-soy chicken wings
fried wontons

Posted by talia at 10:09 AM | Comments (1)

December 27, 2004

Tsunami

The recent tsunami tragedy  has overwhelmed millions.  So many people have lost everything.  I'm not  certain how to help aside from sending money and good thoughts.  What would I want done for me?  Fresh water would be a good start I suppose. 

Donations to the following organizations may help.

Network for Good
Medecins Sans Frontieres
Red Cross Red Crescent

Do what you can.

Posted by talia at 5:58 PM

December 26, 2004

I think I can

A little over a year ago  I started this blog and while I have thought of chucking it several times since, I am glad I've kept it up.  Thanks for reading it and giving me encouragment.  Without it, I think I wouldn't have written anything at all this year.

Posted by talia at 5:56 PM

December 13, 2004

Centimeter by Centimeter

A few years ago in attempt to become a better writer I picked up a book titled Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.  I didn’t like the book at all and as a result am still not much of a writer.  I did pick up one tidbit of inspiration from the book, the paragraph which discusses the title of the book.  One day the author’s brother, when he was a youth had a science project whereby he had to document some 50 bird sighting over the summer.  Now summer is all about fun and even if you consider documenting birds fun, most likely you too would wait until the vacations penultimate date to do the assignment.  Panicked, he asked his father for help.  The father suggested the son approach the project in little bits at a time, or bird by bird. 

Entering what is supposed to be my new studio space last week sent me in a bit of a panic.  Well actually I was more aggravated than panicked.  My girlfriend, Cisca the Encouraging, suggested taking possession of it bit by bit.  And today, that what I started to do.  In truth, I nearly vomited once, uncovering the source of the stench (and I knew even cats could smell that bad), and the place is not nearly ready for unpacking my things and sewing.  But as I clean, my spirits actually lift in hopes that every newly cleaned centimeter will (eventually) be mine. 

Posted by talia at 10:54 AM

November 25, 2004

Free Will Astrology

Today my horoscope is as follows:

I am especially moved by the last sentence.  I'm overdue for an attitude adjustment, I see motivation here.

Posted by talia at 11:00 AM

November 1, 2004

Introducing: Basel Consulting

40peakblank

After many months of figuring out how to make a website, going over designs again and again, at times even crying, I have successfully (with exception of a few minor glitches) published a new website for Basel Consulting. Please check it out, I'd love to hear your feedback.

I only just scratched the surface of web design. I am learning not only to a few new software programs but also expectation management (mine and the clients). It's all very challenging to me but the frustrations are not a turn off, and that is encouraging.

Upcoming web goals: Learn how to use style sheets. Design sites for another consulting company, two wedding sites, one for the art business of a pair of friends, and of course one for my business.

I'll admit: I feel pretty cool.

Posted by talia at 11:09 AM

October 21, 2004

On the Verge

The days have turned to Autumn, as if it was ever Summer. The skies have a crispness that is the mark of chilled air. The leaves on the trees are turning vivid shades of red and scatter to the ground. It's blustery.

I've been inside desperate to meet a deadline. Soon a new site will be launched. You will be pleased.

Posted by talia at 11:10 AM

October 17, 2004

Apologies

Listening to a show on apologies on This American Life today I wonder, if the only acknowledgement of an apology is a brief reference to how hard it must have been do, is it safe to assume you aren't forgiven? Or worse, you aren't believed?

How do you prove that it's more than just words that filled the pages? If after several months I begin to hope for something in return, does it mean my apology is actually thin?

Posted by talia at 4:27 PM

February 24, 2004

Too Wound up to Title

I find myself doing things for people I think they want or need. I should stop since it seems I’m not so good at it. Or maybe it’s not exactly that but that people do want things done for them or to have others assume they know things about them. So they end up resenting me. Or maybe it’s that I’m really just doing it for myself and that’s why there is resentment? Oh darkness revealed! Instead I’m going to ask them first. Or let them know they can tell me what they want.

A former housemate once said that on your birthday, you should start each sentence with “It’s my birthday and I want…” Why can it be our birthdays more often?

Posted by talia at 11:33 AM | Comments (1)

February 2, 2004

Lagging

There's a hold up and the hold up is me. It's like when you are playing the most addictive game in the world and you’re stuck playing a robot and the robot just lags and lags and stalls and stalls except that now I am that robot. I'm stuck or rather I'm caught up with wanting it to be this and that and in the end it is neither this nor that because I am lagging and stalling and stalling and lagging.

I’ve come up with about 10 ways to organize and title and sort all the things I might want to someday write, meanwhile those files remain empty.

I had a dream the other day where among other things that were going on, I was waiting on a plane that was delayed and perhaps not going to leave at all because of terrible weather. It did leave in the end and instead on going down a runway it was going down one of those super highways you see in the US but you don’t see here. But that’s beside the point. The point being that I was in a deserted airport staring out the large glass windows at the nasty weather just waiting for the plane to maybe not leave.

Posted by talia at 11:26 AM | Comments (1)

January 25, 2004

Under Construction

The site and me are going through some necessary changes for better functioning. So if you are encountering problems during this time, please be patient, a new and improved version are already under construction.

Posted by talia at 11:24 AM

January 1, 2004

A New Year

and a time for a new beginning. Not sure what the coming year has in store for me but here are a few things I have in store for it:

*Write more.
*Be less irritated
*Spice up my cooking, open the menu up a bit
*Stop doing something I do compulsively. It’s about time.
*Not move away from Amsterdam unless forced by the authorities
*Love Alec, my family and my friends even more.
*Read more and more quickly (please send tips on how to read faster)
*Try meditation
*Practice yoga frequently
*Find pleasure in gaining expertise and not promote myself pre-maturely
*Take risks
*Ask for help

Posted by talia at 11:06 AM

August 8, 2003

Well Here I Go

It's taken me a long time, but it seem as though perhaps I've done it? ok now, content.

Posted by talia at 10:55 AM